She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
