yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
