Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
