if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
