where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
