yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
