i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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