just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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