He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize