Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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