cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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