All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
