Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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