go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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