I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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