Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
