New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize