So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
