Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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