True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
