I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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