is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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