meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
