He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
