who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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