Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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