i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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