Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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