I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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