Non-Jews are for practice
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
