Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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