Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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