I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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