Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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