Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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