True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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