she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
