Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the day after is always just damage control
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
