I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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