You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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