This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
