I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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