why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
