my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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