I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
