I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
