oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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