Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
