No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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