i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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