4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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