And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
