The maid of honor just puked.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
