Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
