btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
