Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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