I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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