It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
