my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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