Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
