I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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