i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
