Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
