So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
