I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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