You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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