11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
