3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
