shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
