This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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